In a bold attempt to resolve two seemingly unrelated mysteries,
the OmniResearch scientists put forward a surprising hypothesis claiming that
infamous serial murderer Jack the Ripper and no-less famous and elusive monster
of Loch-Ness lake in Scotland are in fact the same person.
This time researchers did not arrive to the conclusion by tedious process of
sifting through large amounts of data. Rather, they have been suddenly struck
by the simplicity and brilliance of the idea.
"We thought, what would be the most unlikely place to look for whereabouts of mysterious Jack,
and then we realized that the Loch-Ness lake would be an ideal hiding for him!"
- says one of the scientists who was too shy to reveal his name.
"People there are so busy looking for this Loch-Ness monster,
and nobody would ever ask himself if Jack the Ripper can be found in the lake as well.
To whom but the most inquisitive omniresearcher the association between the two would occur!
An ultimate alibi!" - added another shy and heavy-accented scientist.
This hypothesis not only explains why Jack the Ripper was never identified, but also accounts for a well-known sparseness of lake monster (known by the nickname Nessie) observations. Indeed, traveling from Scotland to London in incognito surely required some time and preparation, and even after Nessie satisfied her blood thirst and ceased attacks, she probably reasoned that too much publicity could eventually reveal the hidden truth and ruin her, and decided to keep a low profile.
It's still unclear what caused this peaceful underwater creature to turn a monstrous killer of London female prostitutes. One can speculate that Nessie, who has been fascinated by Japanese culture, sought to become a rival to deeds of Godzilla, the Japanese monster. Another reason could be a deep nervous breakdown after Sherlock Holmes, the renowned detective of the time, rejected her matrimonial advances. "However, at this point those speculations remain a pure conjecture, too far-reaching and unsubstantiated" - say OmniResearch scientists. "The real omniscience is not about wild guesses and incredible handwaving, it's about solid facts tightly coupled with imaginative thinking."
(We recently learned that the question "Was Jack the Ripper really the Loch Ness Monster?" had been asked before, in the movie by Joe Dante, Carl Gottlieb, Peter Horten, John Landis & Robert K. Weiss AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON.)